November 23

Hope everyone had a happy Thanksgiving. Ours was nice, but it ended with some sad news. A woman I know passed away suddenly and unexpectedly on Wednesday morning and I found out yesterday. I'm sad that she's gone, I'm sad for her husband, I'm sad for her two little girls, and I'm so so so very sad that I haven't been a good friend to her recently. For those who know the situation who read the blog - here's the rest of the story...

I met her in an online due date group. Her sweet DD was born at 25 weeks, and at that point, I found out she was local. I remember following her DD's progress through her NICU stay and her discharge. After my DS was born, we decided to get together at some point. We actually got together fairly often and really enjoyed one another's company. I even babysat her children a couple of times for her. She and I both became involved in an Attachment Parenting group. Through this group, she met another woman (let's call her Sally), and I met Sally through her. It was clear to me that Sally and I would not be close friends. She was very outspoken and loved to say things she knew would be scandalous (she actually nearly got herself arrested once for a situation with her child). We got along okay, but we didn't exactly "click". Anyway, shortly after, this woman joined another playgroup I was involved in. She caused HUGE issues with the other women. Most of them are pretty mainstream moms and I'm the crunchy wacko, which was always fine, but she was crunchy in ways that we were uncomfortable with. She would let her child crawl diaperless on peoples' carpets, she would take him into the bathroom and let him urinate in their sinks (we did elimination communication also, but we only used the toilet!), she would let him run outside naked without sunscreen or bug spray. Basically, just things we weren't comfortable with. That coupled with the preaching caused us to not want to attend playgroup any longer, and eventually, we agreed that each group should only be 6 people, and as she was the 7th, she was not part any longer.

As this all caused a HUGE problem, I was afraid to see her at my friend's house. In the end, my own fear caused me to no longer hang out with my friend, whom I had always enjoyed, and now she is gone and I can't get those months back. I feel awful, horrible, and I really just am ashamed of myself for not being a stronger person. I hope that she is resting in peace and I hope her children will grow into amazing women and will always know how much their mother loved and cherished them. I'm still in such shock over this. You always think you have time to make things right and you never know when that time will be stolen away. I miss you, my friend, and I'm truly sorry I let myself fall out of your life.