February 10

So, I had one of those moments today. One of those moments when you realize that you really are walking the path you're meant to travel.

Recently, I've started getting pretty down about our adoption. I was one of those naive PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) who truly believed we'd have that lightening fast adoption. After we declined our first referral in December, I assumed the next one happen quickly. Now, we're going on two months past original referral and we've already been told it will not happen this month. We're hoping that perhaps March or April, but we honestly have no idea, and that's a scary place to be. I'm a type A personality and I like to be in control, no I NEED to be in control. So, to have so much out of my control is KILLING me. I know that we truly haven't been waiting long, but I just honestly didn't believe we'd even get this far (I know, silly, optimistic me.) Anyway, I've started feeling like "what if this never happens". In the next breath, I'm berating myself for being such a drama queen. It's just frustrating.

Anyway, on to my moment...

Three years ago, I taught a group of preschoolers. I'm a religious school teacher, and it was our first year with this age group. There was one little girl whom I just adored. When I found out that she was adopted from Ukraine, I told her mother how much DH and I wished to adopt from EE one day. I was pregnant with DS at the time, but told her that it was something we were thinking about for the future. At the end of the year, this little girl was accepted into a fantastic religious private school, so she was no longer continuing in our program. I was thrilled for her, but bummed, because she was just such a sweetheart.

Today, I was at work and I ran into her mother. She told me that this little girl was upstairs and asked if I'd like to come say hello. I told her I would LOVE to come say hello, and I told her about our adoption situation. When I got upstairs, I looked at this little girl, who had now become a little lady and seeing her and how well adjusted and sweet and kind she is was all I needed to remind me of why we're doing this. When her mom told her that we were going to be bringing home a little girl from Russia, and I saw the understanding and the smile on her face, it just made my heart soar. I think it was exactly what I needed today. She was the exact person I needed to encounter to help me get through February. She helped give me hope that maybe March will be our month, and if it's not then maybe April. Whenever it is, I have to keep remembering that it's a when and not an if.

May you all find your moments to help you through this heart wrenching process.
:)