Sorry for the week delay in posting! It's been a madhouse here and DS and I have both been attacked by the creeping crud. It's like the cold that never ends - ugh!
Anyway, I had ANOTHER funny dream about our adoption the other night. In my dream, AGAIN,I was teh one who went to submit the paperwork and while I was there, they decided to give me a referral of a little boy. They told me I had to wait until trip 1 to get a girl referral since they were so scarce and I'd have to ask the baby home directly. So, I look at the picture of the little boy and they tell me he was born in early January. I told them that wasn't good because DS was born at the END of January and we didn't want to disrupt birth order. So, they tell me it's okay they'll just change his birth certificate to pretend he was born in February. I look at the picture and he looks JUST LIKE my dad as a little boy and I KNOW he's meant to be in our family, but his birthdate is all wrong and I"m in a panic over it all.
I don't remember much after that, so I think I woke up around then. It was such an odd dream! I wonder how many more weird ones like this I'll have before we actually bring them home?! Crazy!
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Wednesday, October 3, 2007
October 3
Well, I guess I am actually having a little more anxiety about all of this than I realized.
Last night, I had a dream that somehow I ended up going to Russia to submit the docs rather than DH. I went to the MOE in one of the regions and met the facilitator and then headed inside to meet the director. So, I go to meet him, I have the facilitator (which amazingly I somehow remembered what her name is in my dream, no idea how I got that bit of info into my subconscious!) and my agency director with me and I'm sitting at his desk andhe looks EXACTLY like Timothy Dalton, to be more specific, he looks like Timothy Dalton as Simon Skinner in the movie Hot Fuzz (which I have, admittedly, seen too many times!) and for some reason I start slicing up a hunk of pineapple on his desk. Then, he produces plastic toothpicks and we all eat a few pieces. Then, I hand him his gift, which, oddly, is a bag of licorice bites. Then we start talking and he has a British accent. Anyway, after a few minutes, he asks the agency director and facilitator to leave so he can talk to me alone and he brings in some other MOE employee. I realize I'm talking to him while lying on one arm and I sit up and keep chatting. THe other employee says,"you're lucky he's seeing your case as I'd never approve you." When I ask why, he tells me it's because I look like I'm falling asleep and that's incredibly rude and also I'm making direct eye contact, which he thinks is rude and I need to learn the Russian way. So, I'm apologizing like mad and I start trying to talk to them while staring at the middle of their foreheads, but I find I suddenly can't hear them as well when I"m not watching them speak and I start getting panicky. Thankfully, about this point, DS gave me a big kick to the back and woke me up. It was so real and so wild and I was actually quite glad to be woken from that dream! So, yep, guess I have some concerns I hadn't really thought about yet in my conscious mind. Can't wait until the paperwork is safely in teh regions and we're official. That will at least take one concern away! 'Course, it just gives me a million more things to worry about. Oy, does it ever end?
:)
Last night, I had a dream that somehow I ended up going to Russia to submit the docs rather than DH. I went to the MOE in one of the regions and met the facilitator and then headed inside to meet the director. So, I go to meet him, I have the facilitator (which amazingly I somehow remembered what her name is in my dream, no idea how I got that bit of info into my subconscious!) and my agency director with me and I'm sitting at his desk andhe looks EXACTLY like Timothy Dalton, to be more specific, he looks like Timothy Dalton as Simon Skinner in the movie Hot Fuzz (which I have, admittedly, seen too many times!) and for some reason I start slicing up a hunk of pineapple on his desk. Then, he produces plastic toothpicks and we all eat a few pieces. Then, I hand him his gift, which, oddly, is a bag of licorice bites. Then we start talking and he has a British accent. Anyway, after a few minutes, he asks the agency director and facilitator to leave so he can talk to me alone and he brings in some other MOE employee. I realize I'm talking to him while lying on one arm and I sit up and keep chatting. THe other employee says,"you're lucky he's seeing your case as I'd never approve you." When I ask why, he tells me it's because I look like I'm falling asleep and that's incredibly rude and also I'm making direct eye contact, which he thinks is rude and I need to learn the Russian way. So, I'm apologizing like mad and I start trying to talk to them while staring at the middle of their foreheads, but I find I suddenly can't hear them as well when I"m not watching them speak and I start getting panicky. Thankfully, about this point, DS gave me a big kick to the back and woke me up. It was so real and so wild and I was actually quite glad to be woken from that dream! So, yep, guess I have some concerns I hadn't really thought about yet in my conscious mind. Can't wait until the paperwork is safely in teh regions and we're official. That will at least take one concern away! 'Course, it just gives me a million more things to worry about. Oy, does it ever end?
:)
Thursday, September 27, 2007
September 27
So not much new going on, so I figured I'd share something old.
The day we signed with our agency, I was FREAKING out! I suddenly had all sorts of fears and second guessed myself left and right. DS wanted to play with his alphabet stickers and so I gave him the giant bucket of foamie letters and some paper to keep himself occupied while I filled out some papers and signed the first check to our agency. I had just finished signing and put the check in teh envelope, full of fear and wondering if we were choosing the right agency, and I turned around and saw this:
If you've been reading, you know that one of the regions we're submitting to is Tver. I knew at that moment we had chosen correctly. G-d let me know through DS's artwork that we were doing the right thing. He had hundreds of pieces to choose from and dozens of blue ones (since he decided to stick to blue on blue), what else could explain this? I hung it on my fridge, and whenever I worry about things, I just look at it and I know that everything will be okay. I used to be positive that hte referral would come from Tver, not Smolensk, but now I know that this was just a sign to let me know things were okay, not necessarily that that was the region we'd be going to, just that we were on the right path. I've sort of held this back, because it's kind of bizarre, but for those of you who remember that I KNEW the date DS would be born, before I was even pregnant, I guess it's just part of what makes us us. So, my DS apparently is just as odd as I am. :)
The day we signed with our agency, I was FREAKING out! I suddenly had all sorts of fears and second guessed myself left and right. DS wanted to play with his alphabet stickers and so I gave him the giant bucket of foamie letters and some paper to keep himself occupied while I filled out some papers and signed the first check to our agency. I had just finished signing and put the check in teh envelope, full of fear and wondering if we were choosing the right agency, and I turned around and saw this:
If you've been reading, you know that one of the regions we're submitting to is Tver. I knew at that moment we had chosen correctly. G-d let me know through DS's artwork that we were doing the right thing. He had hundreds of pieces to choose from and dozens of blue ones (since he decided to stick to blue on blue), what else could explain this? I hung it on my fridge, and whenever I worry about things, I just look at it and I know that everything will be okay. I used to be positive that hte referral would come from Tver, not Smolensk, but now I know that this was just a sign to let me know things were okay, not necessarily that that was the region we'd be going to, just that we were on the right path. I've sort of held this back, because it's kind of bizarre, but for those of you who remember that I KNEW the date DS would be born, before I was even pregnant, I guess it's just part of what makes us us. So, my DS apparently is just as odd as I am. :)
Friday, September 21, 2007
September 21
Super quickie today. Just wanted to say that DH got his medical forms yesterday - FINALLY! It was quite teh process, but it happened, so whew! DH is applying for his visa today and then we're ready to rock! Three more weeks - woohoo! Anyway, got to run, we have a playdate this morning, and we have to go eat lots since tomorrow we fast (well, not DS, obviously, but I do). To anyone else that is, have an easy fast, and may you be inscribed in the Book of Life.
:)
:)
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
September 19
Well, we now have a purchased ticket for DH's flight to Russia!!!!!!! We were able to use our miles, so he got a great ticket and we didn't pay a penny - wahoo! Now, time to get our visa. The bad news is, we STILL do not have the paperwork from DH's doctor. I'm getting seriously peeved. He's called every day adn told them every single day how important this is and still - nada. They've promised him by this afternoon. We shall see. I truly have difficulty believing it will happen. Oh yes, I am very peeved.
Monday, September 17, 2007
September 17
Well, we now have TWO medical letters and two copies of licenses (which we were quite concerned about) so YAY! We're still waiting for DH's doctor to do his, and that's frustrating because it's been there for a week today. Still, two out of three isn't too bad! We're hoping to book DH's flight by tomorrow (waiting for a definitive answer from our agency) and we'll be using FF miles so yippee for us saving that cost! Other than that, not much new to report.
I did want to take a moment to just say how adoption has introduced me to so many interesting people and how much it has opened peoples' hearts.
When I called DS's pediatrician, I spoke with the woman in the business office (really a small office across the hall from the receptionist's office). The receptionist didn't know how to answer my questions about getting hte forms filled out by the pedi, so she sent me there. Turned out, she was a wonderful woman with two adopted granddaughters from China! She was so warm and kind and really helped us get the doctor to fill out the paperwork (and make the license copy that she was not thrilled about, understandably). Then, when I needed to find a notary, I wandered upstairs to the lawyer's office above the pedi and the lawyer and the secretary both offered to come notarize for me. In the end, the secretary came, but the lawyer still came down to make sure it had all gone well. AND, they wouldn't take any money. How neat is that?
When I tried to get my doctor's signature notarized, I just had no idea how to go about finding a traveling notary. I looked in yahoo yellowpages adn found an insurance company listed. I called them and the woman who answered told me that they were all notaries. When I asked if anyone traveled, she said no, but then asked me why. When I told her what it was for, she immediately offered to come do it and told me she had an adopted daughter from Korea! She was so fantastic and charged a very minimal fee to come. she was also very sweet to my two year old who was just SO OVER being at doctor's appointments.
So, basically, what I thought would be a logistical nightmare - two different notaries notarizing signature of two different doctors - turned out to be totally fine with no issues and I met some warm and interesting people along the way who are helping us bring our children home. Yep, there really are still good people in the world.
I did want to take a moment to just say how adoption has introduced me to so many interesting people and how much it has opened peoples' hearts.
When I called DS's pediatrician, I spoke with the woman in the business office (really a small office across the hall from the receptionist's office). The receptionist didn't know how to answer my questions about getting hte forms filled out by the pedi, so she sent me there. Turned out, she was a wonderful woman with two adopted granddaughters from China! She was so warm and kind and really helped us get the doctor to fill out the paperwork (and make the license copy that she was not thrilled about, understandably). Then, when I needed to find a notary, I wandered upstairs to the lawyer's office above the pedi and the lawyer and the secretary both offered to come notarize for me. In the end, the secretary came, but the lawyer still came down to make sure it had all gone well. AND, they wouldn't take any money. How neat is that?
When I tried to get my doctor's signature notarized, I just had no idea how to go about finding a traveling notary. I looked in yahoo yellowpages adn found an insurance company listed. I called them and the woman who answered told me that they were all notaries. When I asked if anyone traveled, she said no, but then asked me why. When I told her what it was for, she immediately offered to come do it and told me she had an adopted daughter from Korea! She was so fantastic and charged a very minimal fee to come. she was also very sweet to my two year old who was just SO OVER being at doctor's appointments.
So, basically, what I thought would be a logistical nightmare - two different notaries notarizing signature of two different doctors - turned out to be totally fine with no issues and I met some warm and interesting people along the way who are helping us bring our children home. Yep, there really are still good people in the world.
Saturday, September 15, 2007
September 15
Well yesterday we had two doctors appointments. I had mine and DS had his. My notary showed up right on time and I got all of my forms signed and notarized and had no problem getting the copy of my doctor's license - yippee! We weren't quite so lucky at DS's appt. Some of his records from his former pediatrician never made it to her office, so she wouldn't sign the form until we got them. Unfortunately, he's on vacation until tomorrow, so it will be Monday at the earliest that we'll get that form. DH's doctor still hasn't gotten back to him, so we have NO idea what's going on there! Hopefully, all of this will get sorted out on Monday and the forms will be on their way to Russia for DH's mid October visit. One month from today he'll be meeting with the MOE in the first region. I'm so excited!!!!! I hope this next month goes by really quickly, I"m just so excited to move forward.
:)
:)
Wednesday, September 12, 2007
September 12
So many emotions today...
So, we're really trying to figure out what to do. It looks like it could be nearly two weeks until DH could travel (because of translations, apostilling, etc). That puts us right at the end of September. He HAS to go in mid October because of our date of Oct 17. Seems sort of silly to spend the money to go twice at this point. I think I'm trying to remind myself that we're trying to do what WE want and not necessarily what we're meant to do, which never turns out well for either of us. I think we'll probably just hold off on both trips now until October. We'll decide for sure in the next few days, though.
Still trying to get all of our medicals done. It's funny - talking abou things that are meant to be. When we briefly saw the RE (the crappy one who tries to make all of their patients do IVF), they asked us to sign a consent for an HIV test. We said "no" because we knew we didn't have it and it seemed silly. We knew that because we've been together for years and also because we had to have one for our life insurance policy. Anyway, we signed a form stating they were NOT to test us. Guess what, being the unethical practice they were, they did so anyway. it has always peeved me, but it turns out it happened for a reason, because today DH picked up my HIV test to hand to my doctor so she will sign my form on Friday rather than having to wait 1-2 weeks for another HIV test to come in. Go figure. Never in a million years would have guessed something like that! Sort of cool, though!
So, I head to the doc's tomorrow to have them look at my arm and tell me I don't have TB exposure - duh, then it's off to DS's drop off Gymboree class and then Children's SErvices. L'Shana Tova and Shana Metuka to everyone!
Oh, justa quick chuckle for everyone. Tonight during Rosh Hashana dinner, I LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE! Yes, folks, i really did that. I leaned over the table to pass DS an apple slice with honey and I heard crackling and smelled that foul smell nad realized it was MY HEAD! Somehow I managed to only light up a few stray strands (the beauty of having loads of crazy curly hair - the picture you see of me is with is straightened, it's actually crazy!) Still, I FREAKED. Now, it's funny, but at the time I thought my head was going to to go up in flames! Yikes, what a way to start the New Year!!!!!
:)
So, we're really trying to figure out what to do. It looks like it could be nearly two weeks until DH could travel (because of translations, apostilling, etc). That puts us right at the end of September. He HAS to go in mid October because of our date of Oct 17. Seems sort of silly to spend the money to go twice at this point. I think I'm trying to remind myself that we're trying to do what WE want and not necessarily what we're meant to do, which never turns out well for either of us. I think we'll probably just hold off on both trips now until October. We'll decide for sure in the next few days, though.
Still trying to get all of our medicals done. It's funny - talking abou things that are meant to be. When we briefly saw the RE (the crappy one who tries to make all of their patients do IVF), they asked us to sign a consent for an HIV test. We said "no" because we knew we didn't have it and it seemed silly. We knew that because we've been together for years and also because we had to have one for our life insurance policy. Anyway, we signed a form stating they were NOT to test us. Guess what, being the unethical practice they were, they did so anyway. it has always peeved me, but it turns out it happened for a reason, because today DH picked up my HIV test to hand to my doctor so she will sign my form on Friday rather than having to wait 1-2 weeks for another HIV test to come in. Go figure. Never in a million years would have guessed something like that! Sort of cool, though!
So, I head to the doc's tomorrow to have them look at my arm and tell me I don't have TB exposure - duh, then it's off to DS's drop off Gymboree class and then Children's SErvices. L'Shana Tova and Shana Metuka to everyone!
Oh, justa quick chuckle for everyone. Tonight during Rosh Hashana dinner, I LIT MY HAIR ON FIRE! Yes, folks, i really did that. I leaned over the table to pass DS an apple slice with honey and I heard crackling and smelled that foul smell nad realized it was MY HEAD! Somehow I managed to only light up a few stray strands (the beauty of having loads of crazy curly hair - the picture you see of me is with is straightened, it's actually crazy!) Still, I FREAKED. Now, it's funny, but at the time I thought my head was going to to go up in flames! Yikes, what a way to start the New Year!!!!!
:)
Tuesday, September 11, 2007
Sept 11
I feel bad. I really didn't have time to stop and mourn today and I feel that today is an important day to just stop and reflect. It makes me sad that I realized when I signed a form what the date was. It should have more meaning to me than that. May all of the families of all of our lost brothers adn sisters have emotional peace and healing today...
As for us, it's been very very insane! Once we got the notice that it would be happeing soon, we had to leap into action. that has meant going to all of our doctors, getting forms signed, trying to coordinate with a notary who could travel there to do it (which has been so cool because I've discovered some interesting people who have also adopted internationally) and trying to get records from here and there. It's not been a joy. Mine and DS's should be done on Friday/Monday and I'm not sure about DH's yet. What a wild ride.
The bummer is, we STILL haven't heard. Probably tomorrow, I'd guess. Stressful, though!!!!! I'll let you all know as soon as I hear!
:)
As for us, it's been very very insane! Once we got the notice that it would be happeing soon, we had to leap into action. that has meant going to all of our doctors, getting forms signed, trying to coordinate with a notary who could travel there to do it (which has been so cool because I've discovered some interesting people who have also adopted internationally) and trying to get records from here and there. It's not been a joy. Mine and DS's should be done on Friday/Monday and I'm not sure about DH's yet. What a wild ride.
The bummer is, we STILL haven't heard. Probably tomorrow, I'd guess. Stressful, though!!!!! I'll let you all know as soon as I hear!
:)
Sunday, September 9, 2007
September 9
Wow, it's been a while since I've updated - sorry! I guess I just didn't have too much new to update on. It's been really crazy around here lately, also, so I've been a lunatic!
So, keep your fingers (and toes and legs and everything else!) for us. Our agency emailed today that DH should be able to head to Russia within the next two weeks to bring the dossier to the MOE in the first region. It will be October until we can submit in the second region, but we REALLY want to just get moving, so we're sucking it up and making two trips. The facilitator in Russia will be in touch by Tuesday about when we can come, so we should have a travel date by Wednesday. PLEASE cross everything for us! We REALLY REALLY want this to work out.
I think I'm starting to get scared. We have such an awesome, perfect family and I'm a little nervous of changing it. I know it will be wonderful, but I know there will be a major adjustment for all of us, and I"m afraid of how we'll all come out on the other side. I hope my sweet boy stays as wonderful and sweet as he is, and I hope bringing two kids into our family at once isn't insane. I feel in my heart that it's the right thing to do, but I'm having that little bit of nervous tummy at the thought that we're REALLY doing this. You think I'd have figured that out $5000 ago, but, hey, what can I say.
So, that's it. I'm starting to actually produce some milk now. I can't fill a bottle or anything, but it's really starting to happen, so I'm hopeful that things will work out. We shall see.
guess that's the news for today. I may not update again until Wednesday, so think positive thoughts for us and I'll be in touch!!!!!!!
:)
So, keep your fingers (and toes and legs and everything else!) for us. Our agency emailed today that DH should be able to head to Russia within the next two weeks to bring the dossier to the MOE in the first region. It will be October until we can submit in the second region, but we REALLY want to just get moving, so we're sucking it up and making two trips. The facilitator in Russia will be in touch by Tuesday about when we can come, so we should have a travel date by Wednesday. PLEASE cross everything for us! We REALLY REALLY want this to work out.
I think I'm starting to get scared. We have such an awesome, perfect family and I'm a little nervous of changing it. I know it will be wonderful, but I know there will be a major adjustment for all of us, and I"m afraid of how we'll all come out on the other side. I hope my sweet boy stays as wonderful and sweet as he is, and I hope bringing two kids into our family at once isn't insane. I feel in my heart that it's the right thing to do, but I'm having that little bit of nervous tummy at the thought that we're REALLY doing this. You think I'd have figured that out $5000 ago, but, hey, what can I say.
So, that's it. I'm starting to actually produce some milk now. I can't fill a bottle or anything, but it's really starting to happen, so I'm hopeful that things will work out. We shall see.
guess that's the news for today. I may not update again until Wednesday, so think positive thoughts for us and I'll be in touch!!!!!!!
:)
Saturday, August 25, 2007
August 25
Well, we've hit our first minor delay. It's a bummer, but we're TRYING to remember that it's probably happening for a reason and things really need to happen in their own time. Still, it's a bummer. Looks like DH will be heading to Russia most likely in October now. We didn't realize how important or time sensitive the request was and it took us a few days longer than it should have to get it back, so it's in Russia now, but it doesn't look like there's any chance we could get invited for September. So, it's really only a one month delay - which to other people who've waited many months, that's nothing, but it's still a bummer for us. Things are looking like they might getmoving again with agency accreditations, which is great for most people, but not great for us. We're going as independents, so we had hoped to beat the rush and this delay means we likely willl not. Again, I need to remember that things happen for a reason, and maybe this means there's a child who wil come off the registry JUST in time for us or something, but I'm still stressed about it. I guess we'll just have to wait and see what happens! I know I'll relax when our papers are there and we're officially waiting. Waiting to wait is stressful. Once we're on the list, I know the next call will be "the call", right now I just wish we could hurry up and get our papers there!!!!! I know plenty of people understand that feeling! We'll know more once we get our travel date, but for now, we wait...
Oh, I almost forgot our other thing. I now smell a LOT like maple syrup!!! I've started taking fenugreek and pumping again in preparation for our adoption! Since I breastfed DS for nearly two years, I realized it was something I really wanted our adopted children to have also. I know they'll likely be too old to ever actually be put to breast, but I'd like them to have the benefits of breastmilk, especially since they've likely never had the protections and antibodies it offers. So, I'll be pumping and feeding them! I'm hoping it will also help with bonding since it comes from my body. I just think it will be wonderful to know that no matter how we had our children, through birth or adoption, they will be connected to me through my milk. I'm excited! I'm a little nervous, though, to mess with my prolactin since it was already an issue, but hopefully all will be well. I've never really fully stopped getting some milk, but I've been able to go from a couple of drops to a short stream. Hopefully we'll be getting ounces by the tiem the adoption is here! Woohoo!
:)
Oh, I almost forgot our other thing. I now smell a LOT like maple syrup!!! I've started taking fenugreek and pumping again in preparation for our adoption! Since I breastfed DS for nearly two years, I realized it was something I really wanted our adopted children to have also. I know they'll likely be too old to ever actually be put to breast, but I'd like them to have the benefits of breastmilk, especially since they've likely never had the protections and antibodies it offers. So, I'll be pumping and feeding them! I'm hoping it will also help with bonding since it comes from my body. I just think it will be wonderful to know that no matter how we had our children, through birth or adoption, they will be connected to me through my milk. I'm excited! I'm a little nervous, though, to mess with my prolactin since it was already an issue, but hopefully all will be well. I've never really fully stopped getting some milk, but I've been able to go from a couple of drops to a short stream. Hopefully we'll be getting ounces by the tiem the adoption is here! Woohoo!
:)
Wednesday, August 22, 2007
August 22
Nothing much new to report. We're just hanging out waiting for some news of when DH will travel. Since not everyone who reads here knows our story, I figured I'd share it.
A couple of years after DH and I were married, I was browsing around online and somehow came across Cathy Harris' website. I think I spent the rest of the day in front of the computer reading about the children who had come home from Ukraine. I shared the website with DH and we decided right then that we would adopt one day. At that time, we were actually thinking we'd only adopt and never have bio children. I was working in an early intervention clinic and had seen some VERY scary situations and I was terrified to ever get pregnant or have children.
Anyway, in November 2002, I discovered a lump in my throat. I found it while putting on a turtleneck. I tried my best to ignore it until my OB visit later that month. The NP there said she thought it was just a funny shaped trachea. Still..... I knew my body and knew it shouldn't be there. My beloved grandmother was diagnosed with cancer the same month, though, so I pretty much ignored my issue to focus on her. Several months later, DH demanded I go see someone. My GP decided something wasn't right and sent me for an u/s, which showed some sort of solid mass. I was then referred to an endo who did two fine needle aspirations on it which both came back abnormal. All this was happening as my grandmother (my favorite person in the entire world) was getting sicker and sicker. She passed away on April 16, 2003, and one week later I found out I had to have surgery. I had a partial thyroidectomy in June and found out that the lump was benign, but the hell of the experience and losing my grandmother made me realize how fragile we are and how life can change in the blink of an eye. For some reason, this made me want to have a baby, so in Feb 2004, we began TTC.
I became pregnant in April 2004 and had a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy. My wonderful, amazing, beautiful boy was born at 41w2d in January 2005. He is the most incredible thing in my life and DH and I feel so so so incredibly blessed to have him. When I was 3 months pregnant, my DH was diagnosed with Celiac disease, so we knew that it could cause fertility issues. It hadn't when TTC DS, but we knew it could at some point in the future.
We're an attachment parenting family, and DS breastfed around the clock until he was 14 months, when I decided I needed more than two hours of sleep at a time, so I started the process of slowly nightweaning him. After he nightweaned, I finally got my fertility back and we decided to TTC #2. I had a chemical pregnancy the second month trying, had an early miscarriage the third month trying, and had a chemical the sixth month trying. I asked for some testing (mostly prolactin and progesterone) and somehow ended up with the RE from HELL! He ran the bare minimum of tests and told us we'd need IVF to have a baby. He also told me I had to stop nursing, so as much as it broke my heart to do so, I weaned DS. He was 20 months, so I was proud of our accomplishment, but I really really hated not making it a full two years. I actually got pregnant the month before our IVF consult, while taking progesterone suppositories to assist in holding onto the pregnancy.
We had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and were surprised to see TWO fetal poles (one had a flicker of a hb and the other didn't yet, but measured on target). We were nervous, but cautiously excited. At a 7 week u/s, one of the babies was no longer developing. We were sad, but still hpeful for the second one. Still, when the one stopped developing, it caused a subchorionic hemorhage, so I was put on restricted activity (mainly no lifting, no running, pelvic rest, etc). At a follow up u/s at 10w4d, we saw that our other twin had passed away at 9w5d. We were devastated. I opted to have a D&E, because I just needed to get past the physical so I could deal with the emotional. I had it the next day, ironically, the day before my birthday. That was definitely the worst birthday in recent memory...
Anyway, after the D&E, I bled for weeks. then, I finally got my first AF, and then I just kept spotting. I finally requested a follow up blood test, and my levels were dropping SO slowly. They thought I may have retained tissue, and kept testing. Finally, TEN weeks after my miscarriage, my HCG dropped to zero. At that point, I was ready to move onto adoption, but DH wanted to give it one more try. Honestly, I think emotionally, we were both ready, but we were both TERRIFIED of the cost. We had gone to an informational meeting with an agency we were interested in, but we just couldn't quite do it yet. We decided to give it one more shot, but G-d had other plans for us...
After two months of TTC, I asked for some more bloodwork. At that point, we discovered I had a VERY high prolactin number, and I was told I had to have an MRI to rule out a growth on my pituitary gland. That was a very tough day. It was that moment that DH and I looked at each other and said, "this is NOT what G-d wants us to be doing right now". It felt like each time we tried, something got in the way. We called the adoption agency the next day and we had our intake visit that week and started our process right then. The really crazy thing is, my MRI came back normal and when they retested my prolactin levels, they were totally, completely normal! It was almost like G-d knew we needed one little thing to push us in the direction we were meant to be going.
So, that's where we are now! If you've been following, you've seen that things have been moving very quickly and very smoothly so far! We just believe it's a true indicator that we're following down the path we're meant to travel. When we were trying to conceive, EVERYTHING went wrong. Once we made the commitment to adoption, everything started to go right. I truly, truly believe our children are out there waiting for us to come bring them home. It took some time and a lot of heartache to start to find our way toward them, but we're there now and I couldn't be more excited! I think that was how I knew we had definitely made the right decision. TTC was miserable for both of us and we were bickering with one another and we were both just unhappy a lot. Once we stopped trying and started our adoption, it was like we had new energy. We were excited, we had something to look forward to, and we just moved forward together. Even DS is excited! If you ask him where we're going to go on the plan next year, he says, "to Russia to bring me a brother and a sister". It's so cute!
So, that's my story! Hope it wasn't too long or awful to read!
:)
A couple of years after DH and I were married, I was browsing around online and somehow came across Cathy Harris' website. I think I spent the rest of the day in front of the computer reading about the children who had come home from Ukraine. I shared the website with DH and we decided right then that we would adopt one day. At that time, we were actually thinking we'd only adopt and never have bio children. I was working in an early intervention clinic and had seen some VERY scary situations and I was terrified to ever get pregnant or have children.
Anyway, in November 2002, I discovered a lump in my throat. I found it while putting on a turtleneck. I tried my best to ignore it until my OB visit later that month. The NP there said she thought it was just a funny shaped trachea. Still..... I knew my body and knew it shouldn't be there. My beloved grandmother was diagnosed with cancer the same month, though, so I pretty much ignored my issue to focus on her. Several months later, DH demanded I go see someone. My GP decided something wasn't right and sent me for an u/s, which showed some sort of solid mass. I was then referred to an endo who did two fine needle aspirations on it which both came back abnormal. All this was happening as my grandmother (my favorite person in the entire world) was getting sicker and sicker. She passed away on April 16, 2003, and one week later I found out I had to have surgery. I had a partial thyroidectomy in June and found out that the lump was benign, but the hell of the experience and losing my grandmother made me realize how fragile we are and how life can change in the blink of an eye. For some reason, this made me want to have a baby, so in Feb 2004, we began TTC.
I became pregnant in April 2004 and had a very healthy and uneventful pregnancy. My wonderful, amazing, beautiful boy was born at 41w2d in January 2005. He is the most incredible thing in my life and DH and I feel so so so incredibly blessed to have him. When I was 3 months pregnant, my DH was diagnosed with Celiac disease, so we knew that it could cause fertility issues. It hadn't when TTC DS, but we knew it could at some point in the future.
We're an attachment parenting family, and DS breastfed around the clock until he was 14 months, when I decided I needed more than two hours of sleep at a time, so I started the process of slowly nightweaning him. After he nightweaned, I finally got my fertility back and we decided to TTC #2. I had a chemical pregnancy the second month trying, had an early miscarriage the third month trying, and had a chemical the sixth month trying. I asked for some testing (mostly prolactin and progesterone) and somehow ended up with the RE from HELL! He ran the bare minimum of tests and told us we'd need IVF to have a baby. He also told me I had to stop nursing, so as much as it broke my heart to do so, I weaned DS. He was 20 months, so I was proud of our accomplishment, but I really really hated not making it a full two years. I actually got pregnant the month before our IVF consult, while taking progesterone suppositories to assist in holding onto the pregnancy.
We had an ultrasound at 6 weeks and were surprised to see TWO fetal poles (one had a flicker of a hb and the other didn't yet, but measured on target). We were nervous, but cautiously excited. At a 7 week u/s, one of the babies was no longer developing. We were sad, but still hpeful for the second one. Still, when the one stopped developing, it caused a subchorionic hemorhage, so I was put on restricted activity (mainly no lifting, no running, pelvic rest, etc). At a follow up u/s at 10w4d, we saw that our other twin had passed away at 9w5d. We were devastated. I opted to have a D&E, because I just needed to get past the physical so I could deal with the emotional. I had it the next day, ironically, the day before my birthday. That was definitely the worst birthday in recent memory...
Anyway, after the D&E, I bled for weeks. then, I finally got my first AF, and then I just kept spotting. I finally requested a follow up blood test, and my levels were dropping SO slowly. They thought I may have retained tissue, and kept testing. Finally, TEN weeks after my miscarriage, my HCG dropped to zero. At that point, I was ready to move onto adoption, but DH wanted to give it one more try. Honestly, I think emotionally, we were both ready, but we were both TERRIFIED of the cost. We had gone to an informational meeting with an agency we were interested in, but we just couldn't quite do it yet. We decided to give it one more shot, but G-d had other plans for us...
After two months of TTC, I asked for some more bloodwork. At that point, we discovered I had a VERY high prolactin number, and I was told I had to have an MRI to rule out a growth on my pituitary gland. That was a very tough day. It was that moment that DH and I looked at each other and said, "this is NOT what G-d wants us to be doing right now". It felt like each time we tried, something got in the way. We called the adoption agency the next day and we had our intake visit that week and started our process right then. The really crazy thing is, my MRI came back normal and when they retested my prolactin levels, they were totally, completely normal! It was almost like G-d knew we needed one little thing to push us in the direction we were meant to be going.
So, that's where we are now! If you've been following, you've seen that things have been moving very quickly and very smoothly so far! We just believe it's a true indicator that we're following down the path we're meant to travel. When we were trying to conceive, EVERYTHING went wrong. Once we made the commitment to adoption, everything started to go right. I truly, truly believe our children are out there waiting for us to come bring them home. It took some time and a lot of heartache to start to find our way toward them, but we're there now and I couldn't be more excited! I think that was how I knew we had definitely made the right decision. TTC was miserable for both of us and we were bickering with one another and we were both just unhappy a lot. Once we stopped trying and started our adoption, it was like we had new energy. We were excited, we had something to look forward to, and we just moved forward together. Even DS is excited! If you ask him where we're going to go on the plan next year, he says, "to Russia to bring me a brother and a sister". It's so cute!
So, that's my story! Hope it wasn't too long or awful to read!
:)
Sunday, August 19, 2007
August 19
Woohoo - I finally have a blogroll! Some of them are from the adoption board on FF and some are from FRUA. I'm such a procrastinator, I just had to finally make myself sit and add them, since I'm tired of looking through old posts to see blogs. Anyway, I also added my favorite pic of DS and I the day after he was born. It's one my favorite pics of the two of us (not that there are many, since I'm the family photographer). Anyway, it's about time I spruced this place up, now that I know I'm actually sticking with it.
In adoption news - our agency FINALLY received our last package on Friday! Yippee!!! So, they're headed to get the last of it apostilled and then the request for visit (required for one of the regions) is being FedEx'd to Russia. If I haven't mentioned it, we're submitting in two regions to hopefully make things smoother, especially since we're going as independents, we want to maximize our odds of things working out. One of the two regions requires this letter and they only accept PAPs one Wednesday per month. Cross your fingers that we get in for September, or we'll have to wait until October. I hope I hope I hope!
:)
In adoption news - our agency FINALLY received our last package on Friday! Yippee!!! So, they're headed to get the last of it apostilled and then the request for visit (required for one of the regions) is being FedEx'd to Russia. If I haven't mentioned it, we're submitting in two regions to hopefully make things smoother, especially since we're going as independents, we want to maximize our odds of things working out. One of the two regions requires this letter and they only accept PAPs one Wednesday per month. Cross your fingers that we get in for September, or we'll have to wait until October. I hope I hope I hope!
:)
Thursday, August 16, 2007
August 16
So, I'm thoroughly convinced USPS derives some sick pleasure out of making our potential adoptive parents wait DAYS for the mail to go 25 miles. I could DRIVE to our agency in an hour and for some reason, it's taking at least three DAYS to get mail there. Dude, not cool...
So, our last few dossier documents haven't found their way to the agency yet. I'm irritated, but obviously there's nothing I can do about it. Still... You'd think they could get them there.
In other news, my sister and I took a flying trapeze class tonight! We had an absolute blast and we made both of our catch attempts! It was exhilarating beyond measure. I highly recommend it to anyone not obscenely afraid of heights.
Anyway, my employment letter arrived there today, so at least we're good there, but cross your fingers for us that the post office figures themselves out soon!
:)
So, our last few dossier documents haven't found their way to the agency yet. I'm irritated, but obviously there's nothing I can do about it. Still... You'd think they could get them there.
In other news, my sister and I took a flying trapeze class tonight! We had an absolute blast and we made both of our catch attempts! It was exhilarating beyond measure. I highly recommend it to anyone not obscenely afraid of heights.
Anyway, my employment letter arrived there today, so at least we're good there, but cross your fingers for us that the post office figures themselves out soon!
:)
Wednesday, August 15, 2007
August 15
My employment letter went out today - YIPPEE! I will admit, there was a considerable amount of bitching to get it done (admittedly, I was in a bit of a foul mood when I made the phone call ;) )
Anyway, that's it! Our homestudy agency had to send one last form, which they've also done today, so by the weekend, our dossier should be TOTALLY done. that is one big, HUGE relief! It's also been very fast. We had our intake visit with the homestudy agency and were assigned a social worker on June 19. It's now August 15 and our dossier is done and our homestudy has been completed for a month. It's pretty amazing, and just further proof to us that when you follow G-d's plan rather than your own, things fall into place pretty darned nicely. Anyway, I hope the documents travel quickly so we can have it all together and in one place soon. I'm so excited to move on to the "officially waiting" phase!
:)
Anyway, that's it! Our homestudy agency had to send one last form, which they've also done today, so by the weekend, our dossier should be TOTALLY done. that is one big, HUGE relief! It's also been very fast. We had our intake visit with the homestudy agency and were assigned a social worker on June 19. It's now August 15 and our dossier is done and our homestudy has been completed for a month. It's pretty amazing, and just further proof to us that when you follow G-d's plan rather than your own, things fall into place pretty darned nicely. Anyway, I hope the documents travel quickly so we can have it all together and in one place soon. I'm so excited to move on to the "officially waiting" phase!
:)
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