I just want to thank everyone so very very much for all of their kindness and support during the past year while we've paper chased, traveled to Russia, submitted our papers and waited endlessly for our child/children. Today is the day that we come to the end of our journey. We're actually suspending it, but who knows what the future will bring - both for us and with international adoption.
We do have a very good, and exciting reason to be postponing our adoption. As of today, I am nearly 19 weeks pregnant with a healthy baby girl. I never expected to be THAT statistic. We are thrilled beyond belief, but we are also now trying to readjust the mental image of what our family will look like.
I know that one day we will absolutely pursue adoption. We have always felt called to do so, and our fertility struggles made us all the more determined to expand our family through the miracle of adoption. Still... I'm not sure when or in what manner. So, with that, I will be closing the blog, because it is an adoption blog, not a pregnancy after infertility blog. I wish each and every one of you a short, safe, and fast journey to your children. Thank you so much for everything. If you're ever interested in finding me, you can come join the board where I post - mommy-zone.com. You'll know who I am by my screen name ;)
Much love,
melissa
Tuesday, July 1, 2008
Wednesday, April 2, 2008
April 2
Wow, has it really been a month since my last post? Guess what - NO NEWS!!!!! Nothing. Guess that's why I haven't been rushing to get on here. It's boring writing about nothing. Then again, I guess it worked for Jerry Seinfeld for nine seasons. Anyway, same old same old. Hoping to hear soon, referrals are coming slowly, blah blah, have you heard this all before? Sorry for the cynicism, but that's pretty much life during the waiting phase.
We do have other craziness going on in our family right now, but that will just have to wait for another day.
:)
We do have other craziness going on in our family right now, but that will just have to wait for another day.
:)
Sunday, March 2, 2008
March 2
Another year another birthday...
I am determined that this year will be better. Last year, my birthday capped the worst year I've ever imagined. Two days before my birthday last year, I found out that my second twin had passed away (after losing the first one three weeks prior). The day before my birthday last year, I had a D&E because I couldn't stand another day of living with what was left of my pregnancy. Last year on my birthday, I spent the day on the couch recovering.
This year, I'm thinking of it as a new beginning. I'm really hopeful that our adoption will happen this year and I'm hopeful that our lives will no longer be on hold and that we can decide to really live again.
This year my birthday was actually okay. I taught this morning and then I came home and got a FABULOUS present from Dh and DS (a new lens for my camera!) and then we went out to eat with some friends. Then, we came home, had some wine and watched a cheesy movie. It was low key, but what else are birthdays like after the age of 30. Still, it felt more like a beginning. I feel that this year will be better and I feel like I have some hope for the coming year.
So that's that. My year didn't begin Jan 1. It began today. Happy New Year!
I am determined that this year will be better. Last year, my birthday capped the worst year I've ever imagined. Two days before my birthday last year, I found out that my second twin had passed away (after losing the first one three weeks prior). The day before my birthday last year, I had a D&E because I couldn't stand another day of living with what was left of my pregnancy. Last year on my birthday, I spent the day on the couch recovering.
This year, I'm thinking of it as a new beginning. I'm really hopeful that our adoption will happen this year and I'm hopeful that our lives will no longer be on hold and that we can decide to really live again.
This year my birthday was actually okay. I taught this morning and then I came home and got a FABULOUS present from Dh and DS (a new lens for my camera!) and then we went out to eat with some friends. Then, we came home, had some wine and watched a cheesy movie. It was low key, but what else are birthdays like after the age of 30. Still, it felt more like a beginning. I feel that this year will be better and I feel like I have some hope for the coming year.
So that's that. My year didn't begin Jan 1. It began today. Happy New Year!
Sunday, February 10, 2008
February 10
So, I had one of those moments today. One of those moments when you realize that you really are walking the path you're meant to travel.
Recently, I've started getting pretty down about our adoption. I was one of those naive PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) who truly believed we'd have that lightening fast adoption. After we declined our first referral in December, I assumed the next one happen quickly. Now, we're going on two months past original referral and we've already been told it will not happen this month. We're hoping that perhaps March or April, but we honestly have no idea, and that's a scary place to be. I'm a type A personality and I like to be in control, no I NEED to be in control. So, to have so much out of my control is KILLING me. I know that we truly haven't been waiting long, but I just honestly didn't believe we'd even get this far (I know, silly, optimistic me.) Anyway, I've started feeling like "what if this never happens". In the next breath, I'm berating myself for being such a drama queen. It's just frustrating.
Anyway, on to my moment...
Three years ago, I taught a group of preschoolers. I'm a religious school teacher, and it was our first year with this age group. There was one little girl whom I just adored. When I found out that she was adopted from Ukraine, I told her mother how much DH and I wished to adopt from EE one day. I was pregnant with DS at the time, but told her that it was something we were thinking about for the future. At the end of the year, this little girl was accepted into a fantastic religious private school, so she was no longer continuing in our program. I was thrilled for her, but bummed, because she was just such a sweetheart.
Today, I was at work and I ran into her mother. She told me that this little girl was upstairs and asked if I'd like to come say hello. I told her I would LOVE to come say hello, and I told her about our adoption situation. When I got upstairs, I looked at this little girl, who had now become a little lady and seeing her and how well adjusted and sweet and kind she is was all I needed to remind me of why we're doing this. When her mom told her that we were going to be bringing home a little girl from Russia, and I saw the understanding and the smile on her face, it just made my heart soar. I think it was exactly what I needed today. She was the exact person I needed to encounter to help me get through February. She helped give me hope that maybe March will be our month, and if it's not then maybe April. Whenever it is, I have to keep remembering that it's a when and not an if.
May you all find your moments to help you through this heart wrenching process.
:)
Recently, I've started getting pretty down about our adoption. I was one of those naive PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) who truly believed we'd have that lightening fast adoption. After we declined our first referral in December, I assumed the next one happen quickly. Now, we're going on two months past original referral and we've already been told it will not happen this month. We're hoping that perhaps March or April, but we honestly have no idea, and that's a scary place to be. I'm a type A personality and I like to be in control, no I NEED to be in control. So, to have so much out of my control is KILLING me. I know that we truly haven't been waiting long, but I just honestly didn't believe we'd even get this far (I know, silly, optimistic me.) Anyway, I've started feeling like "what if this never happens". In the next breath, I'm berating myself for being such a drama queen. It's just frustrating.
Anyway, on to my moment...
Three years ago, I taught a group of preschoolers. I'm a religious school teacher, and it was our first year with this age group. There was one little girl whom I just adored. When I found out that she was adopted from Ukraine, I told her mother how much DH and I wished to adopt from EE one day. I was pregnant with DS at the time, but told her that it was something we were thinking about for the future. At the end of the year, this little girl was accepted into a fantastic religious private school, so she was no longer continuing in our program. I was thrilled for her, but bummed, because she was just such a sweetheart.
Today, I was at work and I ran into her mother. She told me that this little girl was upstairs and asked if I'd like to come say hello. I told her I would LOVE to come say hello, and I told her about our adoption situation. When I got upstairs, I looked at this little girl, who had now become a little lady and seeing her and how well adjusted and sweet and kind she is was all I needed to remind me of why we're doing this. When her mom told her that we were going to be bringing home a little girl from Russia, and I saw the understanding and the smile on her face, it just made my heart soar. I think it was exactly what I needed today. She was the exact person I needed to encounter to help me get through February. She helped give me hope that maybe March will be our month, and if it's not then maybe April. Whenever it is, I have to keep remembering that it's a when and not an if.
May you all find your moments to help you through this heart wrenching process.
:)
Thursday, January 31, 2008
January 31
Happy birthday, sweet baby boy!
I can't believe my little man is three today. It sort of breaks my heart. Never in a million years did I think I would have a three year old only child. I'm so ready to give him siblings, it actually physically pains me. I'm so amazed at the independent, sweet, smart little boy my baby has become. When did he grow up? He's the most wonderful little boy I could ever ask for. I'm so proud of you, my little guy!
I can't believe my little man is three today. It sort of breaks my heart. Never in a million years did I think I would have a three year old only child. I'm so ready to give him siblings, it actually physically pains me. I'm so amazed at the independent, sweet, smart little boy my baby has become. When did he grow up? He's the most wonderful little boy I could ever ask for. I'm so proud of you, my little guy!
Monday, January 28, 2008
January 28
I was tagged by Jenn
I'm not sure if I linked back correctly, this is my first time trying. Thanks so much for the tag, and thanks for still reading while my updates have been infrequent and boring. :)
The rules are:
1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag at least three other people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the fun begin
Okay, so here are my six things!
1. I positively love zombie movies. I also love vampires, but prefer vampire books, because the movies are usually cheesy. Zombies, though, the movies are perfect cheese. They know it, so they don't take themselves too seriously. The best, of course, is Shaun of the Dead, but I love all of them!
2. I can juggle, and used to actually be pretty good (could pass to other people, etc). I had a friend in HS who wanted to be a circus performer and she taught me. People are always surprised when they see me do it for some reason.
3. I own so many pairs of shoes, my DH has tried to create a "one in one out" rule, but I keep managing to find exceptions to the rule. The strange part is, I hate purses. Shoes and purses seem to go together, but not for me! I can't seem to explain to DH why there is a need for black open toe flats, black open toe heels, black closed toe flats, black closed toe heels, and maybe a few other black shoes for good measure. Repeat entire process in brown and he just doesn't understand!
4. I have pretty close to a photographic memory. When I was in school, I just read and re-read my notes and my book and when it was time for an exam, I pretty much just pictured where on the page the answer was. This skill is a big part of the reason I graduated college with a 3.98! It's difficult, though, because I remember things about people and then I feel uncomfortable mentioning them years later, because I don't want them to think I'm weird or creepy. I'm honestly not, I just have a frighteningly good memory.
5. I used to be the pickiest eater on the planet and now I love most things. I don't eat much beef, because it doesn't settle well with me (and I'm a total freak and I worry about Mad Cow), but I love pretty much any ethnic food. The funny thing is, I have no idea where I came from. None of my parents/step parents are very adventurous. I also eat so differently from my parents, it's almost comical.
6. I can't wait to bring home siblings for DS, because I'm a really crappy playmate! I'm great with puzzles, blocks, games, etc, but with the creative play - I'm awful! DS will hand me a dump truck and I just have no idea what to do with it. I think it's because I was an only child until Jr. High. I feel bad for him, but I just dont' know how to play. My husband thinks that is so strange!
Well, that's it, I think! It was surprisingly difficult to come up with this list!!!
Okay, here are the three people I'm linking:
Becki - because she's a good friend and she needs lots of positive thoughts right now!
Debbie - because she is always so supportive and fantastic about posting on here, and I appreciate her comments so much!
Heidi - because I enjoy reading her blog, and it's been too long without an update!
:)
I'm not sure if I linked back correctly, this is my first time trying. Thanks so much for the tag, and thanks for still reading while my updates have been infrequent and boring. :)
The rules are:
1. Link to the person that tagged you.
2. Post the rules on your blog.
3. Share six non-important things/habits/quirks about yourself.
4. Tag at least three other people at the end of your post and link to their blogs.
5. Let each person know they been tagged by leaving a comment on their blog.
6. Let the fun begin
Okay, so here are my six things!
1. I positively love zombie movies. I also love vampires, but prefer vampire books, because the movies are usually cheesy. Zombies, though, the movies are perfect cheese. They know it, so they don't take themselves too seriously. The best, of course, is Shaun of the Dead, but I love all of them!
2. I can juggle, and used to actually be pretty good (could pass to other people, etc). I had a friend in HS who wanted to be a circus performer and she taught me. People are always surprised when they see me do it for some reason.
3. I own so many pairs of shoes, my DH has tried to create a "one in one out" rule, but I keep managing to find exceptions to the rule. The strange part is, I hate purses. Shoes and purses seem to go together, but not for me! I can't seem to explain to DH why there is a need for black open toe flats, black open toe heels, black closed toe flats, black closed toe heels, and maybe a few other black shoes for good measure. Repeat entire process in brown and he just doesn't understand!
4. I have pretty close to a photographic memory. When I was in school, I just read and re-read my notes and my book and when it was time for an exam, I pretty much just pictured where on the page the answer was. This skill is a big part of the reason I graduated college with a 3.98! It's difficult, though, because I remember things about people and then I feel uncomfortable mentioning them years later, because I don't want them to think I'm weird or creepy. I'm honestly not, I just have a frighteningly good memory.
5. I used to be the pickiest eater on the planet and now I love most things. I don't eat much beef, because it doesn't settle well with me (and I'm a total freak and I worry about Mad Cow), but I love pretty much any ethnic food. The funny thing is, I have no idea where I came from. None of my parents/step parents are very adventurous. I also eat so differently from my parents, it's almost comical.
6. I can't wait to bring home siblings for DS, because I'm a really crappy playmate! I'm great with puzzles, blocks, games, etc, but with the creative play - I'm awful! DS will hand me a dump truck and I just have no idea what to do with it. I think it's because I was an only child until Jr. High. I feel bad for him, but I just dont' know how to play. My husband thinks that is so strange!
Well, that's it, I think! It was surprisingly difficult to come up with this list!!!
Okay, here are the three people I'm linking:
Becki - because she's a good friend and she needs lots of positive thoughts right now!
Debbie - because she is always so supportive and fantastic about posting on here, and I appreciate her comments so much!
Heidi - because I enjoy reading her blog, and it's been too long without an update!
:)
Monday, January 21, 2008
January 21
Well, I'm starting to get sort of down about all of this. I know we haven't been waiting long, but it looks like we may be in for the long haul. We've only been waiting since October, and we had a declined referral in December, but they told us MAYBE March or April, that's no guarantee. It could really be a while. I know in the grand scheme of things, that still not long, but it's still just longer than I had anticipated and it's going to be at the very outside edge (or beyond) where they told us when we started. I'm just bummed. I know that all of these things are leading us to the children we're meant to have, but I so wanted to be one of those "in and out" families. Not gonna happen. So, now I need some things to keep myself busy, and sane. Any thoughts?
Tuesday, January 15, 2008
January 15
Wow, haven't updated in ages...
I just haven't had much to say. We've been crazy busy and no news from Russia yet. We did go to the PBR (for the redneck impaired, that's the Professional Bull Riding tour) AND my stepmother won us backstage passes! There I was in my major poser cowboy (girl?) hat and my kid has his awesome blinking cowboy boots on and we all got to go backstage. I'll post pics soon (have to get themoff of my camera stil), but I felt like SUCH a poser! Still, it was a blast! Oh, and my kid had the COOLEST boots around. People were LITERALLY stopping him in the street to tell him how cool they were. (mental note to post a pic of them also)...
Anyway, have had too many apple martinis, so had best go. Oh, yeah, apple martinis and the movie SuperBad is really a gerat way to spend the night!
later taters!
I just haven't had much to say. We've been crazy busy and no news from Russia yet. We did go to the PBR (for the redneck impaired, that's the Professional Bull Riding tour) AND my stepmother won us backstage passes! There I was in my major poser cowboy (girl?) hat and my kid has his awesome blinking cowboy boots on and we all got to go backstage. I'll post pics soon (have to get themoff of my camera stil), but I felt like SUCH a poser! Still, it was a blast! Oh, and my kid had the COOLEST boots around. People were LITERALLY stopping him in the street to tell him how cool they were. (mental note to post a pic of them also)...
Anyway, have had too many apple martinis, so had best go. Oh, yeah, apple martinis and the movie SuperBad is really a gerat way to spend the night!
later taters!
Monday, December 31, 2007
December 31st 11PM
I hope everyone has a wonderful, happy, and healthy 2008. I hope everyone in process brings their children home and I hope everyone with kids has an excellent and happy year. Love to all, and thank you all for the support and love during the hell that was 2007. May 2008 be a fantastic year!
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
December 26
Come out, come out, wherever you are....
Over TWO THOUSAND views since September - wow! I am amazed and, sort of impressed! So, come say hello! I'd love to hear from you.
:D
Over TWO THOUSAND views since September - wow! I am amazed and, sort of impressed! So, come say hello! I'd love to hear from you.
:D
Sunday, December 23, 2007
December 23
Not much new here. We're all sick with a vicious cold (the kind that makes you want to go to sleep and wake up when it's over). DS got over it pretty quickly, which was good, because I want him healthy, but I wish I had his power of recuperation. There's nothing quite like taking care of a rambunctious almost three year old when you feel like your head is about to explode (and wonder if maybe it did, you'd finally feel better). Anyway, I'm perking up finally, so hopefully DH will follow.
I took my little sisters to the Hannah Montana concert last night. that was a wild and fun time. I have never, ever in my life heard screaming quite that loud! We had a total blast, though, and our seats were actually quite good. I never could have guessed that I'd be able to tell people I got seats to the biggest, most quickly sold out concert event of the year - and have that be a concert aimed at tweens. Go figure! Still, it was a total blast, and we had fun just doing the girlie thing.
Well, for those who celebrate, hope you have a wonderful Christmas. I'm ready for the new year and hoping it brings us our children!!!
:)
I took my little sisters to the Hannah Montana concert last night. that was a wild and fun time. I have never, ever in my life heard screaming quite that loud! We had a total blast, though, and our seats were actually quite good. I never could have guessed that I'd be able to tell people I got seats to the biggest, most quickly sold out concert event of the year - and have that be a concert aimed at tweens. Go figure! Still, it was a total blast, and we had fun just doing the girlie thing.
Well, for those who celebrate, hope you have a wonderful Christmas. I'm ready for the new year and hoping it brings us our children!!!
:)
Wednesday, December 19, 2007
December 19
So, things are good all around today. Another family with our agency is interested in adopting the boys we turned down. I'm so glad to hear that they are the children another family has been dreaming about. I wish them a happy and healthy life with their new parents.
Our agency called and they are hoping that the next time there is a database change (end of January/beginning of February) that hopefully we will receive our referral. If not, then hopefully the following month. We're keeping everything crossed and we're hoping that it all works out. Think positive thoughts for us, please!!!!
So that's about it. We have some other good stuff going on in our family, but because I'm not totally sure who reads this, I can't announce it yet. I will within the next few days, though.
Hope everyone is doing well and hope we all have wonderful news in the New Year!
Our agency called and they are hoping that the next time there is a database change (end of January/beginning of February) that hopefully we will receive our referral. If not, then hopefully the following month. We're keeping everything crossed and we're hoping that it all works out. Think positive thoughts for us, please!!!!
So that's about it. We have some other good stuff going on in our family, but because I'm not totally sure who reads this, I can't announce it yet. I will within the next few days, though.
Hope everyone is doing well and hope we all have wonderful news in the New Year!
Monday, December 17, 2007
December 17
Thanks everyone for all of the support! I'm very very sad to report that we've decided to decline. We had some concerns about one of the children and the process to find out if our concerns were valid was going to be time consuming, exhausting and quite expensive (and that is IF we were able to actually have happen what we needed to.) In the end, we decided to move on. It's been an emotional and exhausting few days, so I may not post an update for a bit. Thank you all for your support and comments. I never, ever thought I would decline a referral, but the second I got the photos, my heart dropped as I recognized one of the children as a child I had red-flagged on the database. there were a few other issues, also. I'm so sad and feel so horrible. I hope these children find a loving home and I hope we find our forever children.
Wednesday, December 12, 2007
December 12
HOLY FREAKING CRAP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!We got THE CALL today. I'm in shock and I'm completely freaking out. It's not exactly what we had expected, so we're trying to process it all now... We have our bio DS who will be 3 in Jan. The call is for TWO BOYS!!!!! One just turned two in July and the other turned one in September. We had requested a boy and a girl, so we're a little terrifed about the thought of three boys three and under, but we're going to look at the pictues and medical info because we really believe we're being led on this journey toward the children we're meant to have and that could possibly be a lot of boys! Oh man. I'm in a total panic. I think I'm just in total shock! THREE BOYS!!!!! Oy!
Friday, December 7, 2007
December 7
So, I'm starting to really feel anxious about waiting. I really thought the waiting would be teh easy part, but it's a LOT harder than I had expected. It's so emotionally draining. While we were occupied with teh paperwork, it was easy to just assume that waiting had to be easier than the paperchase, but now, I actually sort of miss the insanity. I'm so terrified that something will go wrong and suddenly we'll have a three year old only child, which was never, ever part of the plan. I just want things to hurry up and happen before there are any more changes because I'm always afraid that something will change and we'll lose the basket we've put all of our eggs into. I just look at my sweet boy and think about how much I can't wait to give him a sibling. I'm so glad we're going this route, so he'll have siblings close in age to play with. They'll really grow up together and that's fantastic, if we can just GET THEM HERE!
We heard from our agency the other day and they assume it will be Spring before we hear. There are pluses and minuses to that. We'll have time to finish the house (if we can ever get the frickin electrician to get his butt back here), we'll be traveling during better weather, and DS will be that much older and more equipped to handle two long haul flights. Still... Spring seems so far away as we are just now starting to really hit winter. So, keep us in your thoughts during these long (okay, so they're actually pretty short at this time of year!) days that all will go well when the time comes.
:)
We heard from our agency the other day and they assume it will be Spring before we hear. There are pluses and minuses to that. We'll have time to finish the house (if we can ever get the frickin electrician to get his butt back here), we'll be traveling during better weather, and DS will be that much older and more equipped to handle two long haul flights. Still... Spring seems so far away as we are just now starting to really hit winter. So, keep us in your thoughts during these long (okay, so they're actually pretty short at this time of year!) days that all will go well when the time comes.
:)
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